Wow. What a day. Once again told how shit we are. I am of no support. I do nothing. All of this because we ask someone to try and understand Stanley – because we want the best for him. But instead, people actually believe that I am mentally unstable and pushing a diagnosis on him – I want him to have a problem. They are so oblivious to the struggles we have, to the support we so wish for. But to be honest, I give up trying now. Why would I want support from someone that thinks so low of me? I know I am far from being a perfect mum, and far from being a perfect wife, but really… am I that bad? I know I most definitely don’t clean as much as I should, but my priorities right now are my husband, my children, and my PhD (which is taking a total backseat because of all this). I have had no time to focus on the PhD – to be honest, I could give it all up right now – so cleaning is definitely bottom of my priority list. Today has just been shit. I try so hard to not let any of this get to me, especially when I am with the little ones, but sometimes it is hard not to take some of it in. What hurts me the most is that I haven’t been there for Stanley today. At times, I could barely talk to him because I was so upset. As much as I try to keep it all in, Stanley was very aware. He was jumping around and repeatedly saying “laugh, mummy, laugh”. He didn’t realise that this was breaking my heart even more. So, what has Stanley done today? Because I have been dealing with all of this… he has been left to it at times. Some of his best bits? Pasta and smoothie thrown all over the kitchen floor, and a whole roll of toilet roll flushed down the toilet. I didn’t tell him off. How could I? I apologised, and gave him the biggest squeeze. I can’t blame him for behaving the way he did when I haven’t been there for him today. But, that’s it now. I can’t let all of this affect the way that I am parenting Stanley and Nora. I need to be there for them, I don’t need this. I don't want to change the way I do things. I am not going to start disciplining him in a way that others think that I should. Oh, and to top it off, Nora has been so sicky… so we have had numerous outfit changes to juggle!

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