Today is Friday, and Friday's are usually spent at nana's. We went as usual this morning, but I planned to take Stanley out for lunch, we were going to see his auntie. I prepared him for this last night, and I prepared him for this throughout the morning. When it was time to go, we got out of the door with few problems, but then it began… he didn't want to go. He was delaying it, and you could see the apprehension. We spent a good amount of time outside chatting about what we was going to do, and just as I was about to give up, and stay at nana's, he climbed into his car seat. When we were out, he was a little nervous and shy to begin with, but soon settled. Then, it was time for lunch. First drama? There was no blackcurrant. Second? The pizza. All he wanted was pepperoni, and there was no pepperoni. But, he was happy to go with cheese… that was until he saw it. As soon as he saw it, he cowered into the corner… he didn't want "that funny pizza"… it didn't look like the ones we make at home. That was it – he didn't touch a thing. People say "if they're hungry, they'll eat", but that really isn't the case. He was hungry, and he didn't eat a single thing. He even had peas – his absolute favourite – but no. The look of the pizza totally threw him. When he's having a tough time, it's things like this that become more prominent – he needs his routine, he needs comfort, and things have to be "just so". The little things become big things. We then managed to have some fun in the park, before heading black to nana's. He got in the car no problem at all, said goodbye to Auntie Tasha, and then the minute we drive off he lost it. He was crying, shouting, screaming… "go away mummy, go away… I just want nana". Eventually he fell asleep, but he had a tough time. There was nothing I could do to help him. He woke up in much the same mood, but eventually calmed down spending some time gardening with Grandad. I can't help but wonder – was it the fact that I took him out when he usually spends the day with nana? It was all new to him today. Why did I put him through this? Could I have stopped it all, and helped, by simply staying at nana's? Hello massive mummy guilt.

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