My little man heading off to Granny's this morning πŸ’› Over the last few weeks, it's gradually becoming more difficult to leave him. This morning, he was delaying leaving the house, you could see he was apprehensive… always one more thing he needed to do before he left. When they arrived at Granny's he didn't want to get out of the car, and then when they eventually got out of the car, he didn't want to leave Daddy's arms. He was crying, screaming, and hitting out… and it's heartbreaking. I hate the thought of him being there upset, and I can only hope that when his friends arrive that they have some fun playing together. I find times like this really hard – things seem to be getting tougher for him as time goes on. I hope that in the long run, by getting the PhD done, that it will help us provide better for him. But, it's times like this that I really feel like giving up. I wish I could be there for him all of the time. I wish I could make things easier. I wish I had nothing else to worry about, and that I could put my all into doing the best for him now – when he needs me. Perhaps I would be less stressed without the added pressure of the PhD right now, and perhaps I could do more for Stanley if I could be there for him more. Is it all worth it? But, I've come this far, and I know I'd be stupid to give it up, I just hope that it helps us out in the long run. It's just hard to see the end sometimes, and right now, giving up feels like it would be the easiest option. And, just as I finish up this post – I hear from Granny that Stanley is doing absolutely fine now, and this highlights one of the other problems. People don't see the bigger picture. They see Stanley wanting to get his own way, maybe he's "going through a phase". They see that he is "fine when he's with them" – they don't see the struggles we have to get him there, or the struggles we have at the end of the day… when he gets home and everything that has built up during the day comes out. But for now, I can take a little comfort in knowing that he is ok at Granny's, and knowing that I'll be here, waiting, at the end of the day – for that big squeeze, or the chance to offload, whatever he needs.

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